Why giants fall 3

“Like a city whose walls are broken down is a man who lacks self control.” (The Book of Proverbs)

You are not a saint but you can strive to improve character. The vulnerability of the human nature provides us the capacity to falter but this must never be the excuse to indulge in self destructive thoughts, habits, attitudes or addictions. Seek help to overcome crippling traits that may short-change your destiny.

Many people suffer in silence as a result of their Achilles heels; some others short-change themselves in the belief that change is impossible. Thomas Monson says, “Our very business in life is not to get ahead of others…but to get ahead of ourselves.” Take precaution before your weak point subdues you. No life grows truly great till it is disciplined. What is the way forward?

1. Accept responsibility– Change becomes elusive when the responsibility for it is transferred to another party. Accept your weakness as such and refrain from passing the buck, take responsibility for your life. Realise that other people like you have successfully managed this trait that has caused you nightmares. Everyone carries the burden of one Achilles heels or the other but with a sincerity of heart and the singleness of purpose, one can gradually and inevitably prevail over it.

Accept that you can change or improve your life. I was counseling a lady recently who believed that change was not possible from a particular age range in one’s life. This is untrue. You will move the boulders in your life once you decide to confront them: never complain about what you permit. Never blame your sexual laxity on your family weakness or your itchy fingers on bad economy.

2. Personal discipline – “You cannot dream yourself into a character; you must hammer and forge yourself one” opines James A. Froude. Set exit strategy goals for yourself. If you have power problem, learn to see others better than yourself. If it’s sexual, discipline your thoughts – avoid fantasies, avoid living alone, avoid pornography like AIDS, shun the promotion of nudity in the media and don’t nurture a relationship for which you don’t have sincere intentions. To overcome addiction, avoid the object of control. John Maxwell suggests that self discipline is “the ability to do what is right even when you don’t feel like doing it.”

3. Build character- A strong character would protect your potential, sustain you in trying times and make you consistent in excellence. Until you master yourself, you may never master your game. Push the limits of your success by investing in your character- your ability to do what is right, your values and your self image. John Maxwell asserts, “The lives of people who are long on talent but short on character always get out of balance.”

4. Seek help– Confide in someone who can help. Seek counseling from social workers, church counselors or professionals (psychiatrists, psychologists, health workers etc.). The media can also be helpful. Try a programme like Sharing Life Issues with Chaz B on Inspiration 92.3 FM or online fora with positive objectives, Question and Answer newspaper columns (Billionaires’ Capsules with Ayo Arowolo, Sex & Sexuality with Funmi Akingbode, Dear Kemi –all in Punch newspapers) also seek divine intervention.

Your thoughts, attitudes, habits and addictions are the 4 steps of character formation. When you sow a thought, you reap an action (attitude). The fruit of an action is a habit. A habit is the seed of a character (addiction). When you sow a character, you reap a life. To un-form a bad character trait, reverse this simple linear process of character formation.

Why giants fall 2

It has been established that your Achilles’ heels has the potential to act as your stumbling stone in future, if un-checked and nipped in the bud. Usually, people don’t trip over large rocks but little stones which are almost invisible. Negligible bad habits and attitudes, little foxes that spoil the vine reduce great men to rubble.

We all possess thoughts, attitudes, habits or addictions that we hold dear. Some are not negative but, either way, thay all have the capacity to shape our lives positively or otherwise.

Imagine someone who loves to read books on any subject from literature or romance to accounting. If he stumbles on metaphysics and it distorts his mental orientation, this would be a good habit (reading) gone bad. This happened to my cousin some years ago. She read a book that deranged her mentally, making her a psychiatric patient for the next 3 to 4 years. You must be cautious to prevent your good habits from going overboard.

Let’s examine the 4 steps of character formation.

1.       Thoughts- Every man’s life is only as great as the quality of his thoughts. Your thoughts influence your self esteem, which in turn determines your life results. “Sow a thought, reap an action…” says an ancient proverb. Your progress is limited by the length and breadth of your foresight and hindsight. The Japanese say, “Good thinking, good product.” I have since discovered that almost every lingering life issue is a wisdom problem- the inability to connect to the right solution.

The celebrated footballer who scored Nigeria’s 1^st goal at the world cup, Rashidi Yekini, is reported to now be a shadow of his former self. He now lives as a recluse, having separated from his wife and friends. It is also being publised that he’s mentally depressed. When interviewed by a journalist about his dwindling career many years ago, he attributed this to his wife’s diabolical powers. A great star of his calibre limited his progress to diabolism- every man is a slave to his beliefs.

Many Africans still short-change themselves, believing that someone is responsible for their woes. Believe instead in God’s liberating power to break barriers and fight for your victory. Think through; pray through and set yourself free from mental, spiritual and physical hindrances. You’re your greatest enemy and your greatest barrier is your mind.

2.       Attitudes- In 1996, Nigerians were excited about a new revelation- Dosu Joseph, the goalkeeper of the Dream Team to the Atlanta Olympics. His accurate saves were partly instrumental to the winning of the gold medal and his fans were already looking forward to his bright future in the game. But one bad night a year later, his promising career ground to a halt! He was reported to have partied and drank alcohol so bad that he had a ghastly auto accident. He had a severe spinal-cord injury that abruptly red-carded him out of the game at age 23. Youthful exuberance has destroyed the potential of many promising talents.

Recently, I heard the story of a young promising lady who was withdrawn from a music reality show. She had posed nude (perhaps for her boyfriend) and the pictures had found their way into the wrong hands, which were ready to blackmail her and the organisers of the show. It’s sad how we allow moments of vain fun to cut short our promising future.

3.       Habits- “Sow an action, reap a habit…” says an ancient proverb.

Three years ago, the image of nollywood actress, Yetunde Taiwo Akinwande (aka Wunmi) was tarnished when she was convicted for drug trafficking. She had been arrested at the Lagos airport, having swallowed 12kg of cocaine concealed in 92 wraps. 6 months later, another nollywood star, James Oduputa was arrested for a similar crime. Subsequently another actor almost died of complications arising from cocaine, which had burst in his stomach while trafficking the drug. Live above the bad habits of your profession.

4.       Addictions- Tiger Woods lost millions of dollars, his reputation and influence to an adultery scandal. He had been world’s best golfer for about a decade, making $23m from golf and $105m in brand endorsements for Accenture, Gillette & Nike. In his 13 year career, he earned $900m alone in prize money. All these have diminished as Tiger has been weighed down by emotional setbacks and has since struggled to return to top form.

An Achilles’ heel not only hurts your pocket or reputation, it hurts those who feed at your table and the whole world. Your potent

ials get you up the ladder of success but strength of character keeps you on top. Character influences your choices, builds your potentials and makes you different; it helps you outlive your time. Good character is really not a choice.

Why giants fall

Do you agree that it is ungratifying; working so hard, earning fame and wealth only to lose everything to a character flaw? In every kid is a king and a kid in every king. News reports are rife with the stories of many great achievers who have lost track with progress and slipped as a result of their Achilles’ heel.

An Achilles’ heel is a vulnerable point, most especially a weak part of someone’s character in spite of overall strength, which may actually or potentially lead to the person’s downfall.

Having its source from Greek mythology, this expression originated from the downfall of Achilles, one of the greatest warriors who ever lived. As a baby, it had been foretold that he would die in war from an arrow in the foot. To avoid this, Achilles’ mother, Thetis, dipped his body in River Styx, which gives the power of invincibility. His heel was not washed over by the magical river as his mum held him by the heel. Achilles was later killed by Paris’ arrow shot into his right heel, the only vulnerable spot on his body. Big men die from little things.

Everybody has at least a character blight that works like a time bomb. If unchecked and allowed to fester like an infested wound, it has the potential to blow up one’s reputation, integrity, self esteem, goodwill, growth, opportunities and valued relationships. Your value system must never be compromised in your quest for significance.

Achilles’ heel can take any form: power, fear, anger, sex, crime, vanity, addictions, money, greed, impatience, indifference, music, speech, food, clothes, strange opinions, pride, manipulation… the list is as diverse as human faces.

From the foregoing, these traits can be summarised as thoughts, attitudes, habits and addictions - what I call the 4 steps of character formation. An ancient proverb says, “Sow a thought, reap an action (attitude). Sow an action, reap a habit. Sow a habit; reap a character (addiction). Sow a character; reap a life (Emphasis and parenthesis mine). This is the simple linear process of character formation. Reverse the process to un-form a bad character trait in your life.

• In the next blog post, we’ll be examining these 4 steps with some case studies.

The price of action

It is far easier to wish for greatness than to work for it.

Funny enough, we prefer the easier route: wishing, rather than working the talk. You have to give up something to get anything you want of life. Retrogressive habits will someday catch up with you and give you a bad name. Maybe you ask Tiger Woods, Tafa Balogun or Cecilia Ibru what this means. Life responds to action.

Thomas Monson says, “Our very business in life is not to get ahead of others…but to get ahead of ourselves.”

One of the best deals you could strike for yourself is to break free from the shackles of your character. Get ahead of every malignant behavior that finds expression through you. You’re responsible for all your actions, remember, your name is a brand.

When life is over, will your name be over?

Coming out stronger

Why do medicines have to be bitter to cure ailments? Must pangs of childbirth always precede delivery? Max Lucado suggests an answer:

“Light always hurts before it helps.”

Quit gulping temporary pain-killers for an ailment that requires surgery. Don’t paper over the cracks, own up to the truth. Plastering a burst pipe only postpones judgment day.

Delayed gratification in money, sex, food, some luxury or position is a painful endurance test, producing in you a robust harvest of discipline and character, which your mind and body require to generate the successful lifestyle God destined for you. When you deprive yourself of any pleasurable craving, you exhibit delayed gratification.

No big thing comes close to cheap, a price tag sticks to every prize. Each time you overcome a bad habit, you cross the threshold of self-imposed limitation. Are your habits pushing you forward or otherwise?

Uproot the weeds to save the life of your seed. The weeds are sapping your strengths. It takes a lifetime to build the reputation of a good character but a slight error of judgment to crumble it in a day. History and the Tiger Woods’ scandal have proven this. Endure the pain and get the gain.

Photo: Microsoft Office images