Why giants fall 3

“Like a city whose walls are broken down is a man who lacks self control.” (The Book of Proverbs)

You are not a saint but you can strive to improve character. The vulnerability of the human nature provides us the capacity to falter but this must never be the excuse to indulge in self destructive thoughts, habits, attitudes or addictions. Seek help to overcome crippling traits that may short-change your destiny.

Many people suffer in silence as a result of their Achilles heels; some others short-change themselves in the belief that change is impossible. Thomas Monson says, “Our very business in life is not to get ahead of others…but to get ahead of ourselves.” Take precaution before your weak point subdues you. No life grows truly great till it is disciplined. What is the way forward?

1. Accept responsibility– Change becomes elusive when the responsibility for it is transferred to another party. Accept your weakness as such and refrain from passing the buck, take responsibility for your life. Realise that other people like you have successfully managed this trait that has caused you nightmares. Everyone carries the burden of one Achilles heels or the other but with a sincerity of heart and the singleness of purpose, one can gradually and inevitably prevail over it.

Accept that you can change or improve your life. I was counseling a lady recently who believed that change was not possible from a particular age range in one’s life. This is untrue. You will move the boulders in your life once you decide to confront them: never complain about what you permit. Never blame your sexual laxity on your family weakness or your itchy fingers on bad economy.

2. Personal discipline – “You cannot dream yourself into a character; you must hammer and forge yourself one” opines James A. Froude. Set exit strategy goals for yourself. If you have power problem, learn to see others better than yourself. If it’s sexual, discipline your thoughts – avoid fantasies, avoid living alone, avoid pornography like AIDS, shun the promotion of nudity in the media and don’t nurture a relationship for which you don’t have sincere intentions. To overcome addiction, avoid the object of control. John Maxwell suggests that self discipline is “the ability to do what is right even when you don’t feel like doing it.”

3. Build character- A strong character would protect your potential, sustain you in trying times and make you consistent in excellence. Until you master yourself, you may never master your game. Push the limits of your success by investing in your character- your ability to do what is right, your values and your self image. John Maxwell asserts, “The lives of people who are long on talent but short on character always get out of balance.”

4. Seek help– Confide in someone who can help. Seek counseling from social workers, church counselors or professionals (psychiatrists, psychologists, health workers etc.). The media can also be helpful. Try a programme like Sharing Life Issues with Chaz B on Inspiration 92.3 FM or online fora with positive objectives, Question and Answer newspaper columns (Billionaires’ Capsules with Ayo Arowolo, Sex & Sexuality with Funmi Akingbode, Dear Kemi –all in Punch newspapers) also seek divine intervention.

Your thoughts, attitudes, habits and addictions are the 4 steps of character formation. When you sow a thought, you reap an action (attitude). The fruit of an action is a habit. A habit is the seed of a character (addiction). When you sow a character, you reap a life. To un-form a bad character trait, reverse this simple linear process of character formation.